| (one) Someone like you. |
[29 April @ 8:02pm] |
"Good things come in small packages." It's a quote that has stuck with me, ever since my arms wrapped around this tiny little boy. This tiny little boy that became mine. In the midst of my life turning completely upside down, I now had this forever faithful, unconditional love. I have someone who looks up to me, who needs me, and is lost without me. All the things I thought I had in my marriage. But now as I watched everything crumble all around my feet, I realized, not everything is forever in this world. Except a mother's love for her child.
Louis Bardo Bullock, the most important man (or individual, for that matter) in my life right now. He's my entire world, my everything. He has kept me from sinking to the bottom, he has given me hope, and a will to move on. I have had a lot of shifting and changing, but he's my one constant. It may be hard to understand how a 3 month old has such a huge impact, but he does. I knew my life would never be the same, the day he was placed into my arms. I've never regretted this decision, no matter how scary things look right now. Being a single mom was not how I planned it would go, but I am finding the courage to embark on this as best as I can. He gives me strength, which in turn, helps me overcome the piling fears. You can choose to drown yourself in 'what if's and the 'whys', or you can choose to pick yourself up, love with all your heart, and do the best you can.
I choose my son. I choose to be the best mother I can, to love unconditionally and with all my heart, and to be able to admit when I am wrong and teach him we're only human. I hope to show him what love really is, that people will let you down, and that you have to work your ass off to get the things you want. That no matter how many times you fall down, it's always worth picking yourself up, afterwards. That I'll always be there, even if it's only in his heart. That I'll kiss away the cuts and scrapes and soothe his fears as best as I can. That no one is perfect and forgiveness is important. That you are always stronger than you think. That love is beautiful and not conditional. Families are made in all kinds of ways, and his mommy loves him regardless of where he came from. Teaching him to celebrate who he is and the beauty of adoption. Doing my best to never let him forget his roots, his heritage. To be his joy, his comfort, his voice of wisdom (and reason).
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; The courage to change the things that I can; And the wisdom to know the difference.
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